miriam cannot come to the computer right now

Please Respond

This isn't easy. And it's actually kind of foolish. Juvenile. But since I know you read this last time -- and since I doubt anyone else does read it -- I'm hoping the same will happen now.

I don't understand what's happened. I know I've been deeply involved in my work, and I know we haven't really had time to go out and have fun since San Diego. But that can't be it, can it? We were proceeding along, getting closer, getting really serious...

...and now? I don't get it. There was the hiccup with the credit card, and I still totally believe it wasn't you. Truly, I should never have accused you of that. I could blame the stress of OSHII but that would also be unfair.

But I do feel -- genuinely and as maturely as possible -- that you are avoiding me. Or, if not me, something about me. Why can't we talk about it? Is there something I don't know? Do you disapprove of the work I'm doing, the progress I'm making? What is it?

(I had to retype a lot of this due to losing the first draft; system freaked out between 1pm and 2pm. Totally annoying, so I apologize if this came out at all wrong.)

(Also, IM my "play" account if you need to. I don't mind interrupting the game to talk there.)

Round Two

Been so busy. Gamma is flying! I almost totally forgot about this blog, things are going so well.

And J.C.'s thinking of moving in. Don't tell his folks!

Sad landmarks

I can't believe he's been dead four months now. I also can't believe they're thinking of making a movie out of Foundation. What is the world coming to?

SAN DIEGO WAS INCREDIBLE!

Fix-Ups

We've reached a reconciliation. J.C. doesn't seem to have had anything to do with the cards. That was my mistake. I should I have filed for identity theft or something rather than throw accusations at him. (Though, if he says one thing about PMS, I'll knock him on his student-of-divinity ass.)

I am feeling better, though. Made major headway with alpha-turned-gamma. Major headway. It's huge, really, and leagues ahead of where I was with beta. I mean, it's not working as intuitively, and there are still those power spikes (internally, not Gridpoint). But it's a whole new game now!

Best of all, J.C.'s making up for it by taking me to Comic-Con!! Woohoo!!

(And I know exactly the costume I'm going to wear.)

Fair warning

J.C., since you're not taking my calls or writing back, let me make it plain here.

Stop using my credit cards!

I saw the charge for that site and the domain. Good thing this backwater shit-of-a-blog site doesn't cost anything, or it've been shut down along with all my other accounts.

What's wrong with you, J.C.??

In a handbasket

Crap, crap, from asshole to bellybutton.

Lost all power to the house. Something about problems with the transformer down at the power station. Then, probably because of the surge, all my data's shot. I have to go to back-ups and get everything humming again before I can go ahead and finally close down beta.

And J.C.'s avoiding me, I think. Maybe he's reading this? Fine, then: I think you're avoiding me, J.C.!

Going to do some Wii Fit to clear my head, then start fresh.

Late decision

I've decided. Beta's too erratic and volatile. It's back to alpha.

There. Done.

I'll box it in the morning.

Confusion

Okay, J.C. wants me to use this, so I'll use it. He has fair warning, then.

J.C. was on my system. My private system. He acted more confused than either guilty or embarrassed. I don't get it in the least, and he has yet to provide an explanation.

Frankly, he can have the damned thing. Beta's out of control; it even doubled back and interfaced with the alpha batch I closed off. Now what the hell is that about?

I may have to scrap it and go in a new direction.

Great mystery

J.C.'s theology stuff goes right over my head, but it does kind of entice me. I won't pretend to understand it or even fall for it. But the passion he shows! He's no God-freak, but, wow, the way his eyes light up when talking about all the debates and arguments and theories...!

I wish I could get as excited about my tech. I mean, it's going great, but it generally annoys me more that I can't figure out certain parts of it than take pleasure in its great mystery. Beta is sucking it all down beautifully, but it goes weirdly sluggish at one time and then totally non-responsive at another.

(Jaime Bamber's going to be on the U.K. Law & Order! Frakkin' awesome!)

Second try

Okay, trying this again, though it still seems foolish. I never kept a diary as a girl. It seemed really pointless and a bit narcissistic. Why not keep your secrets, you know, secret?

Anyhow, the point for all this: Work has been going gangbusters...but it's perplexing. There have been all kinds of spikes that I can't account for. The diagnostics on this beta project promise some excellent results. But if it's not reasonably predictable, I may have to rewind a bit.

Gah! Is Smallville on tonight?

Starting off

J.C. suggested that I do this, but it feels kind of foolish. It's a good outlet, he says. Kind of primitive, but that's the beauty, he claims. I won't go all bells-and-whistles with it. Also, he knows I'd never stick with a paper book diary. And since no one would ever read this drivel, it's as good as private. Who'd be pathetic enough to read it?

But I really don't have much to say.